Agrarian as it may sound, life is, indeed, in constant change.
When I was in college, I was filled with theory-based idealisms. I told myself I will become one of my country’s loyal servants.
Life at first was easy. I considered myself lucky because I enjoyed everything I wanted. Little did I know there would be obstacles and crossroads along the way.
Now, after years of acquiring trainings, I am a hopeful worker to a first-world country. It really sounded ridiculous when I first thought of it. But there is little choice in life. To raise a family and to see them enjoying the fruits of my labor is my utmost intention right now.
To make a decision that’s quite far from what I actually want really breaks my heart because I have very few choices.
I have anticipated the mockery that will be thrown to me by former colleagues in the nationalist movement and in the University. The ‘Uncle Sam’ who was always at the center of our discourse is just a stone’s throw away.
I have lots of anxiety and speculations.
For now, I have kept the sociological theory books that have been serving as my life’s scripture for a long time. I will scan their pages again someday, but I need to prepare for more practical and urgent matters.
I have not totally dismissed my idealisms. I have just revisited them. As I did that, I told myself there is something else that I need to do in order to see those ideals slowly unfold. Make-over. Redefinition. However you call it, it’s just a matter of symantics right now.